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When you write a dating advice column, one of the inevitable questions that comes up is the idea of inexperience.

For many men, especially as they get older, dating inexperience is a vicious catch-22.

This is just as true with a lack of dating experience as it is with other areas in life. Many people who have no dating or sexual experience worry about being a bad kisser or a bad lay or not knowing how affectionate to be in public or any of a myriad insecurities and anxieties.

Having little (or no) experience has nothing to do with who you are as a person; it’s a contextless data point in your life. But No matter how many partners we’ve had or haven’t had, we all come to a new relationship not knowing the other person’s likes and dislikes.

or he may have had a long, happy relationship with one person. The thing is, no matter what some STEMBros believe, relationships aren’t math problems and statistics.

Dating and relationships are sloppy affairs, a collision of sexual chemistry, lifestyle compatibility and no small amount of luck.

If you miss that window, then you’re fucked; you’re now saddled with a permanent debuff to your dating odds that you’ll overcome.

Of course, this window of opportunity bears about as much resemblance to reality as Pokemon does to animal husbandry.

They become intimidated by women whom they fear have more experience than they do.

They become too afraid to approach , never mind people they’re attracted to.

The difference is deceptively simple, but it makes a world of difference.

See, one of the fears of being inexperienced is that your potential partners will see it as a negative.

They set themselves up for failure by looking for reasons why others couldn’t possibly like them or why they couldn’t improve, and wait for the Universe to deliver instead.

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